If last week I was all, “Holy Contemplative Prayer, Batman!” coming off my spiritual high from the monastery, this week it’s been more like:
Cricket. Cricket.
I once heard told that Dan Rather asked Mother Teresa what she said during her prayers.
She answered, "I listen."
Dan followed up with, "Well then, what does God say?"
Mother Teresa smiled and answered, "He listens."
For a moment, Dan didn't know what to say, so Mother Teresa added, "And if you don't understand that, I can't explain it to you."
If you read my post last week, you recall I took Saint Mother Teresa’s advice, and instead of talking to God, I started listening. I gotta be honest…I think I’m Dan Rather. Fortunately, I’ve been in the 60-somethings Psalms this week, and I am beginning to think that David had a little Dan Rather in him, too.
In Psalm 61, David says, “Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to you, when my heart is faint.” My Bible commentary remarks that the psalmist feels “far removed from the presence of God,” in verse 2. Check.
In Psalm 62, twice David says, “For God alone my soul waits in silence.” Same, dude. Same.
Finally, in Psalm 63, from the wilderness David cries, “O God, you are my God, I seek you, my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” My commentary says that, here, David is describing “a place where God is not.” Still with you, David.
All week long, I’ve listened for God. And all week long, my soul waited in silence with from the end of the earth in a dry land where there is no water. At least I’m in good company, though, with David and Dan Rather and all.
When I was at the monastery, Brother Benedict and I had a brief discussion about a book he was reading by Saint John of the Cross, The Dark Night, in which (and I’m paraphrasing Brother Benedict’s synopsis here), Saint John describes that there are times when God pulls away from us and leaves us to a darkness for a season in order for us to grow in faith. Kind of a “conviction of things not seen” thing, maybe? Who knows.
Listen, John Ortberg tried to pull this same line on me toward the end of his book, Soul Keeping. Maybe I’m not spiritually wise enough for this kind of theology, because right now, in this season of my life, ain’t nobody got time for that. God up and leaves? Really?!
So, instead of thinking that maybe I was just stuck between Dan Rather AND Saint John of the Cross, God forbid, I decided to turn to Pandora.
Whenever I can’t seem to find God anywhere, I have turned to music. I have always found God’s presence waiting for me there, particularly in the old anthems found in the blue hymnbook of my childhood church. Now until very recently, I hadn’t been able to develop the same kind of attachment to contemporary Christian music. I’m pretty sure that Carmen clouded the entire landscape of contemporary Christian music for me from the late early 90s until about 6 months ago. But, this new wave of Christian artists is rising up, and some of their stuff is Psalm-worthy. Nathan recently turned me onto the Robbie Seay Band, and with their help toward the last half of the week, I decided not to let the Dan Rather in me win out. This is their modern remake of an old, old Advent hymn:
Each morning, during my prayer time, I have been meditating on this song, particularly these words:
Dear Savior come to tired earth
and bring the grace of dawn
Dispel the night and show Thy face
Come, Messiah, Come
Now, we didn’t hear any update from the adoption agency this week, because there wasn’t one to give. Between that and the dark silence I found waiting for me every time I went to God in prayer, I’m going to be honest, I needed God to dispel the night and bring the grace of dawn.
And I honestly don’t feel like God’s done that yet.
But, like the song says:
There is hope today
that God Himself might shine upon our souls and say
Unto you a Savior comes
and everything will change
So, I’m going to keep mediating on these words and hoping each new day for the Messiah to be so present with me that even Dan Rather would know God is there.
In God's Grace,
Kameron, Nathan, J. Henry, Amelia and our New Little Girl!
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