Waiting...

The week of Thanksgiving, we received the good news that our Home Study, the first major portion of our adoption journey, was completed – Thanks be to God! Over the course of the 5 months it took to complete it, there were many moments when it seemed as the though we would never be able to cross-off each document and task on the checklist. Thanks to Kameron’s diligent organization and many professionals and agencies who assisted us with paperwork, we have sent our Immigration paperwork off for approval and are compiling our dossier to send to Ethiopia.

So, now with the Home Study in our hands, a new, shorter and less complicated list of requirements to check off, with a major leg of the journey in the rearview and with renewed gratitude in our hearts, we move into the second major phase: waiting.

Waiting is difficult. We have been looking forward to welcoming our new child into our family since we began praying about this possibility last year. But the waiting will persist. The average wait time from submission of our dossier to Ethiopia to a referral for a child: 18 months. We are longing for this new, youngest member of our family to become a permanent member of our family. We look forward to when the number of faces you can count on our Christmas card will be five rather than four. For now, we simply imagine and pray for a face that may or may not have been born yet. We are forced into waiting, yearning, longing.

I am not used to waiting. In an age of instant gratification, when food passes to us through a window, 2 minutes after ordering, when we have limitless information a finger swipe across a laminated screen away, and a buffet of entertainment awaits us in our living rooms or around the corner, I am reminded that things worth loving and living for cannot be rushed. A birth, a wedding day, a graduation, a reunion, retirement, an embrace - the best experiences in this gift of life demand that we wait.

Waiting might be the hardest part. Especially when the waiting is without visible, measurable progress. It is one thing to have a “to-do” list of requirements to champion, one task at a time. It is another to wait in the stillness, the wondering and the silence of possibility – waiting for a phone call announcing the good news of great joy to us, that our child will finally join our family.

As a family, during this Advent season, we not only remember Jesus’ birth 2,000 years ago, and look forward with eager anticipation for Christ’s return, when all creation will be renewed and peace and fulfillment will reign. For the first time in my life, even if in a very small way, I think we can identify with the longing of Israel, through Mary and Joseph’s experience, for the Child to come.

We deeply desire to show God’s love to one of His own by making him or her one of our own. Please pray for all five us during this journey.

In God’s Grace,

Nathan, Kameron, J. Henry, Amelia (and Baby #3!)

Blessing Cards

Being a minister is a unique profession which has, like every occupation, its challenges and benefits. The challenges include things like moving often in the early years and not being able to put down roots in a specific community, and the routine of trying to write sermons, teach classes, plan worship, attend meetings, provide counseling, manage budgets and personnel, fundraise, recruit and train volunteers, perform weddings and funerals - all in a "typical" week. Like other professions, the work is never finished or caught up. But what makes it really tough is that preachers are supposed to do all this, AND always be upbeat and smiling when you see us...:0)

But the work sure is rewarding. To be able to offer the hope and challenge that we believe to be the Good News for everyone, is a daunting responsibility and high privilege. To walk with people through births, baptisms, confirmations, graduations, weddings, Communions and funerals; to share with them in the most vulnerable and universal of human experiences, is pretty incredible. And while it is perpetually exhausting, it is wonderful and I cannot imagine doing anything else. I am grateful for the gift of being able to dwell in the House of the Lord, with his people. 

But tonight, I just want to briefly lift up one gift we have experienced from being a part of Christ's church. 

For whatever stories you hear about "church people" being judgmental or hypocritical or whatever, and despite the truth there may be in the stories, we have experienced that belonging to a network of Christian friends has been a tremendous gift. Our brothers and sisters in Christ have brought us  great encouragement, especially through this adoption process. Over the course of the last few months, we have received "Blessing Cards" from friends and family who we notified of our intentions. We invited them to write out a prayer or blessing upon a card that we sent them and return it in the stamped enveloped we included. We have received about twenty-five and love to read through them together every few weeks. Below is a card we received from a dear lady and friend from Pell City, AL:

It is our plan to take all of these and put them in a scrapbook to give to our new child to keep for the rest of their life as a reminder of how we and God loved them before they ever knew it. If you are reading this post and would be willing to offer your prayer of blessing, please send it by email to nathan.l.carden@gmail.com. We would love to hear from you and allow your well-wishes to echo through the years of our child's life. 

We just want to say how thankful we are for sharing life with people who are willing to support us in this journey. And on a night when I am exhausted from the demands of a Sunday, it is little gifts like the one above that let me know we have good people in our corner. 

We deeply desire to show God's love to one of His own by making him or her one of our own. Please be in prayer for all five of us during this journey. 

In God's grace - 

Nathan, Kameron, J. Henry & Amelia ( and Baby #3!)

Complexes and Planting Trees

Recently I read an article about the “The White Savior Industrial Complex”, which describes the so-called mentality of some Caucasian, middle class, educated Americans, who out of their great pity for some impoverished minority soul, swoop in with their power, privilege and pure intentions to rescue them from their current poverty and a grim future. The article pointed out how this narrative makes for compelling stories in popular media (Just ask Sandra Bullock, she won an Oscar portraying this role in “The Blind Side”). We love heroes who use their privilege and power to bring freedom to a sympathetic someone who is subsequently gifted hope and possibility through their benefactor. Who wouldn’t love a story like that?

But maybe we love such heroes primarily because we identify more closely with the hero rather than the person being "helped". The essay argued that those with power and privilege must exercise great humility and sensitivity in helping the disempowered, less they assume their own status in society is the standard of normalcy to which everyone aspires. Without humility and sensitivity, I can see how they could develop a "White Savior Industrial Complex".

This “Complex” description made me pause and think about what our family is in the midst of doing. Kameron and I are in the process of adopting a poor, black, African orphan into our white, middle class, educated, family. This will not be a subtle reality for friends, family and our community. For the next 18 years, our Christmas card will depict two white parents with three children, one black and two white. In Alabama.

To be clear, we chose Ethiopia because they have a large number of orphans in need of homes and their requirements and our family’s “profile” seem to be a natural fit.

We realize that there will be some educating to do whenever we move into a new community, and some skin to be thickened toward the certain comments and actions that may be hurtful in the coming years. We simply do not care about how much pigment is in our child’s skin, for “red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight.” While we cannot fully appreciate the challenges that a multiracial family can confront, we expect that there will be some. Frankly, our attitude is that any challenge we face will be miniscule compared to the joy of adding this child to our family, and we will weather any storm that may come, together.

So do we have the “Complex”…?

Do we feel a sense of calling to adopt an orphan? Yes.

Do we think we can, despite our imperfections, offer our new child the loving home of which they are in need? Yes.

Do we hope to give our child access to health care and opportunities for education that they might not otherwise have? Yes.

Do we pat ourselves on the back for “rescuing” an African child out of poverty and into a middle-class white family? No.

Let me explain. If we ever had any “Complex” notions of being the image of normalcy for white, middle class, educated, Protestants, the Home Study has put those notions to bed. The Home Study is an in depth evaluation of any person or family who intends to foster or adopt. It includes a home visit by social workers; social workers with clip boards and check lists. They wander through your home, peering into your closets and judge your lifestyle and personal belongings. They look for fire extinguishers and smoke alarms and outlet covers. They require you to lay out your plans for sleeping arrangements and furniture for the new child. And after peeking into every corner and rummaging through your home and all your financial details, then, they get personal.

Each adult is required to write a 12-15 page autobiography, outlined by a 50+ question guide they give you. You answer questions about your parent’s marriage, their religious beliefs, which parent you bonded with at an early age, the way they disciplined, how much money they made, your temperament as a child, your siblings and their families, your personal strengths and weakness, your spouses personal strengths and weaknesses, how many people did you date before marriage, etc. Then, when this autobiography is submitted, each prospective parent is required to sit through a 90 minute interview with your social worker in which they read between the lines of the autobiography and ask more probing questions. We have been forced to confront every personal weakness, every conflict in our marriage, and every imperfection in the parenting of our parents. It is incredibly thorough and invasive with no stone, toilet seat or credit check left unturned. Imagine if the IRS hired a neurotic and caffeinated Dr. Phil as a private investigator to research you and your family back to the moment you were born…you getting the picture yet? No one can endure this process without being made sharply aware of their inadequacies, peccadillos, and baggage. There is not a corner in our life that is sterile enough for arrogance or ego-centrism or a "Complex" to reside in.

But that is only one side of the experience.

The other side is that in being forced to lay your personal and family life bare before others, you begin to take inventory of all the good that has been poured into your life by those who love you most.

Despite the faults that accompany all people, we have had incredibly loving family members who have believed in us and encouraged us to fulfill our potential. We have friends that have supported us with their love and presence, simply because the love of God fills their hearts. And if that isn’t enough, the winds of favor have blown many days in our direction, bringing us blessings we never could have earned. Simply put, Kameron, Henry, Amelia and I are the recipients of grace from too many family and friends to count.

To paraphrase Nelson Henderson, we “sit in the shade of trees we did not plant.” Our Home Study has reminded us of just how deep and wide and long we have been cared for by friends and family. And we find ourselves humbled again as we trace the arc of grace that bends round us, round us. And we didn’t earn any of it.

So, no, we are not adopting because we think of ourselves as saviors. We are not self-proclaimed do-gooders who desire recognition. And we imagine there are families that could be “better” for our coming child than we can be.

But we still move slowly forward toward that day when a little boy or girl from Ethiopia will become a part of our family here in Alabama. The simple fact is that we have enjoyed the shade too long, not to try our hand at planting a tree too.

We deeply desire to show God’s love to one of His own by making him or her one of our own. Please be in prayer for all five of us during this journey.

In God’s grace,

Nathan, Kameron, J. Henry & Amelia (and Baby Number Three!)

Prevenient Pound Cake

I can’t smell fresh cut pine timber without being carried back in my memory to my childhood, attending my grandfather’s camp meeting revivals held each August in south Alabama. I remember the sawdust-shaving floor, the wooden benches, polyester suits and organ music. Sweaty evangelists preached Christian holiness with a Bible in one hand, a handkerchief in the other, and great conviction in their soaring voices. And all those rich images and memories sit down for a visit in my mind each time I do something as simple as walk through the lumber section at Home Depot.

I can’t cross a bridge over a small muddy river while driving on the interstate without recalling all the fishing outings I enjoyed with my friend Bert Deener when I was in high school. Bert is a fisheries biologist with the state of Georgia, and volunteered as youth ministry director in our small church. He taught me how to bass fish, hired me to help him in his small fishing lure business he ran out of his workshop, and helped guide me through the choppy waters of adolescence. Bert and I spent many hours together on shallow rivers and mossy ponds in south Georgia, and just by osmosis, I benefited from his steady commitment to Christ and his interest in me. So when I see a muddy southern river, if I stop and look, I can see Bert’s silhouette casting out a line for another soul.

I am so grateful for these and so many other little icons in my life that remind me of so many gifts I have received. They are physical symbols, “sacramentals”, that gesture beyond themselves to something much larger – to the redemptive presence of God that continues to woo and change me. To think that God continues to use something as simple as our 5 senses to awaken us to his attentive love?! Maybe that is part of the beautiful mystery of the incarnation of Christ - that he came to us in physical ways that we could receive him.

As a Wesleyan brand of Christian, I believe God’s grace comes reaching into our before we invite it. God’s love is intrusive, rattling the hollowed chambers of our souls, enabling us to recognize God’s existence and our need for forgiveness and healing. Theologians call this kind of grace “prevenient”; the grace that comes before. God is at work within me and you right now, inviting us into a wonderful future being prepared for us, and we never even asked for such a gift.

Beginning a few weeks ago, I can’t smell a pound cake baking in our home without thinking about the little boy or little girl who will join our family through this adoption process. By the end of next week, my hard working wife, Kameron, will have baked 59 Pound Cakes over about 7 weeks, raising almost $2,000 in the process. Our kitchen has been lined with heavy sacks of flour and sugar, and our refrigerator shelves are stacked with slabs of butter and cartons of eggs. And wafting seductively from our oven is a WONDERFUL smell. And as many of our friends and family can attest, the taste is even better.

But better than the smells and tastes, is the powerful thought that a child on the other side of the world has no possible idea that all these pound cakes are being beaten, baked, purchased and inhaled for them. They have not invited our whole network of our friends and family all across this country to participate in this cause. They are simply unaware of everyone who is “preveniently” helping to prepare a safe and loving new life for him or her.

I hope you can think of some of the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches that cause you to “be still and know that He is God.” I know, for the rest of my life, every time I smell a pound cake baking, I won’t be able to help thinking of the grace of God.

We deeply desire to show God’s love to one of His own by making him or her one of our own. Please be in prayer for all five of us during this journey.

In God’s grace,

Nathan, Kameron, J. Henry & Amelia (and Baby Number Three!)

SURPRISE!

Jesus is full of surprises.

In the Gospel of John, 6:1-14, Jesus takes 5 small loaves of bread and 2 fish, offered to him by a young boy, and in giving thanks to his Father in heaven, he "multiplies" it. When everyone's bellies were full, after lunch, the disciples gather up the leftovers and fill 12 baskets.

They went from 5 loaves and 2 fish to having 12 baskets left over. It was a miracle. So miraculous it was, that all 4 Gospels retell the story. Not many miracles get that kind of press.

As a child I often wondered how the illusion worked, what actually took place. Did Jesus sprinkle magic dust over the meager lunch and POOF! it all multiplied magically?! None of the Gospels describe the process - either they don't care to tell us how he did it, or they don't know. Surely someone must have seen it. If not, that means that every head was dutifully bowed and every eye was reverently closed. I doubt that - I still look around during prayer sometimes.

So where did all that food come from? Maybe Jesus did wave his hands over the baskets and create it out of thin air. I believe God has the power to do that if God so chooses.

But I also have to wonder if the little boy was the only person who was mindful enough of the time of day to carry his lunch with him. There were no drive-thru lanes back then, they didn't have hot dog vendors parading through the crowd, and Luncheables were not available for purchase. In their time, a significant portion of each day was spent preparing meals. They would likely not have ventured away for a day to hear Jesus, without bringing something along with them. So, surely others saw the little boy's willingness to go hungry to offer his meal for the Rabbi from Nazareth, and were moved to share their lunch too.

Isn't it also a miracle for Jesus simply to begin practicing what it means to share and have 5,000 strangers follow suit? We aren't told he was preaching about sharing. He didn't command them to share or try to guilt them into it. He takes a meager lunch, offers his gratitude for it to God, and begins to share it with others.

The results are the same either way. God was given thanks for the gift of daily bread, everyone eats till they are full, and the leftovers carry on for days. Either way he does it, the results are surprising.

Jesus is full of surprises.

In these early months of the adoption journey, we are busy raising funds to meet our $20,000 goal. We have known from the beginning that we would be depending upon our hard work AND the generosity of friends and family to help us reach it. Kameron will have made over 40 pound cakes this time next week, and we will debut another fundraiser in August. We have also mailed 100 letters to friends and family, of all stations in life, asking them to pray for our family and the child who will join it and to consider including a gift to help us with the costs. Our friends have responded. As of today, we broke the $5,000 mark - thanks be to God!

As I have written previously, we are very humbled at the overwhelming support we have received through emails, calls, gifts, texts, prayers and smiles. Frankly, we expected that our families would be supportive. We expected that our close friends would too.

But what has surprised us is how people have felt led to support this effort - even when we have not directly asked them for it. In fact, some people we have no met before have come forward to share an encouraging word or even make a contribution. Neither Kameron nor I could ever have guessed the ways that God would bless us and our yet unidentified child with people who desire to be a part of this story. While we are grateful for every expression of support, it renews our faith in a providential God each and every time one of these surprising gracious acts comes along.

I suppose we could have raised all this money just by taking on extra jobs, cutting expenses more than we have, taking adoption loans out and giving ourselves more time. That strategy could be surprising and inspiring to some people and God would be honored by that.

But instead, our desire to adopt has coincided with a calling to step out on faith and depend in part upon the goodness of God at work in the hearts of our social community. The result of God's collective cooperative work speaks for itself. How can we say how grateful we are for what God is doing? Each day is surely a wonderful surprise.

We deeply desire to show God’s love to one of His own by making him or her one of our own. Please be in prayer for all five of us during this journey.

In God’s grace,
Nathan, Kameron, J. Henry & Amelia (and Baby Number Three!)

"Genuine Humility"

A few years ago in divinity school, I (Nathan) read a statement by theologian John Milbank, claiming that the bane of contemporary western culture is "false humility". I have pondered the meaning of that claim for several years now, and the longer I live in this age of cultural divisiveness, the more I see the need for "genuine humility" in our public life together. Just imagine how different our cultural rhetoric would be if politicians, journalist, pastors, etc., would humbly reflect upon our need to enrich our common humanity (even that of our enemies!) prior to whipping out the scalpel of our ideology and dividing the world into the "us/them" categories that define us first by labels rather than first as fellow children of God. 

But assuming for a moment that a person desired the virtue of humility, how would one attain it? Unlike honesty or patience, which can be practiced by force of habit toward our neighbors, humility is primarily an interior matter - a state of mind and heart emerging from our character. I mean, trying to adopt an inner disposition like humility is like deciding not to think about the color blue - which immediately causes the opposite. Humility is not simply a virtue that can be "willed", it is something that needs to be inflicted or imposed upon us from the outside. So if you are looking to become more humble, I think I have found a winning formula. 

Prayerfully discern and then courageously step out on faith to follow the will of God.

Our family's desire to adopt has been born out of this exercise - to discern and follow God's leading. Yes, God had given Kameron and I a desire for three children and yes we believe we could offer a loving home to a child who needed one. But we have no reason to believe that we are unable to have third child naturally. For us, the decision to adopt was this persistant small voice in our minds and hearts that if God has been so gracious as to adopt us, then perhaps we could do the same for child somewhere in this vast world. 

But we knew we could not do this alone. We would need the support of friends and family who would believe in this calling and be willing to share it. 

So over the last few weeks, we stepped out on faith and invited people we know to be a part of this journey. Kameron has baked and delivered 26 pound cakes and has orders currently for 10 more. We have sent letters to loved ones inviting prayers of blessing and support. The expressions of support, the prayers, and encouraging words have been simply beautiful - and humbling. Very humbling.

We have received cake orders from strangers who simply believe in this endeavor and are willing to pay $30 for pound cake (although they are worth it!). We have received generous gifts from young friends who have given not because they had money to spare, but because they want to make a difference in a child's life. We have read prayers of encouragement for us and prayers of love for an unknown child, prayers that will bring tears to your eyes. Each of these has been a means of grace to us and our future child. 

And while the support we have received is not for "us" and instead is for the larger purpose, we get to be on the receiving end of that support. We - me, Kameron, Henry and Amelia, all human beings with accompanying flaws (I having the most) - are getting a front row seat and VIP passes to see God's grace being poured into this whole process. To see this beautiful working of the Holy Spirit through people's lives into ours, and to know to my unworthiness to be part of it, has imposed upon me a wonderful, burning humility that is changing me in a way that I could never do through my own power. 

I guess this life changing process is teaching me what the Apostle Paul has been trying to teach me all my life, to "Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. And being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death— even death on a cross" (Philippians 2:5-8, NRSV). 

So "Thank you!" to those who have already been to so gracious to us, for fostering in me and my family, genuine humility. 


We deeply desire to show God’s love to one of His own by making him or her one of our own. Please be in prayer for all five of us during this journey.
In God’s grace,
Nathan, Kameron, J. Henry & Amelia (and Baby Number Three!)

Baby Steps...

With one hand clenching a fistful of chair fabric and the other hand reaching, fingertips yearning, Henry set his gaze toward me, just three feet away. His eyes sparkled with a mixture of anxiety and excitement as his chubby little legs caused his body to sway in jerky, uncoordinated rhythm. He was grinning from ear to ear as he finally set off! He had never done this before. He didn't trust his own strength and skill, because these resources had never been put to this kind of challenge. One thing he did know, was that his father stood before him in his future, his arms open and smile upon his face, wooing him, "Come."

And there in our living room in Mount Juliet, TN in April of 2009, he did. And we have seen how that small step of faith was just the first of the 10 million steps, leaps, and skips he has taken since then. In this analogy, we are like Henry - Amelia would have been ready for her first 5-K at 10 months old :0)

As we begin the first leg of our journey, we too don't trust our own strength and skill, our past experiences, or the certainty of a smooth trek. But we, too, believe that as we seek to bring a new child into our home, we are moving toward a voice echoing through the chambers of our heart, "Come." And we can just imagine the God who is speaking to us is calling with arms open wide and warm smile upon his face. 

As we trust in this voice, we remember that God calls us, not individually, but as communities to follow him. We take great strength and hope in knowing our family and friends will be a part of this experience. First, we ask for your prayers that God would sustain us with patience with the process and the health and welfare of the children waiting for loving homes - one of whom will become a part of our family. We also ask that you would pray that God would open avenues of provision for this process. Adoption is expensive. As we have learned, the documentation, legal, and travel fees are considerable – even when working through a non-profit faith based adoption agency. We hope to raise at least $15,000 of the costs we are facing, with a goal of $20,000 - with the thermometer on this page tracking our progress. An estimated outline of our financial obligation to this process is as follows:

Agency Fees                                                             $9,500.00

Out of Pocket Adoption Expenses                    $12,938.00

In-Country Expenses (Ethiopia)                       $11,201.00

Est. Total (-$12,700 Federal tax credit)         $20,939.00

We recognize that sometimes God expects us to be a part of the answer to prayer. So, as our friends and family, we are asking for your support. In addition to your prayers, we are hoping that you may feel led to make a financial gift to help a child become part of our family.

Here are some of the ways we hope to meet our financial goal:

1 - Adjusting our monthly family budget to be able to save more

2 - Sending out letters to friends and family

3 - Assembling a 1,000 piece puzzle as sponsors purchase $10 puzzle pieces (more details soon!)

4 - Selling Kameron's World Famous Homemade Pound Cakes - Coconut or Cream Cheese (see below)

5 - Hosting childcare nights for local friends to have a date night 

Some of our local friends have sampled Kameron's Coconut Pound Cake over the past couple of days...and no crumbs remain! If you would like to order one (Coconut or Cream Cheese), please send her a message on Facebook, at kam.carden@hotmail.com, or call/text at 205-863-0672. We ask for a donation of $30 each - and we promise they are worth it!

Please know that any donation for this child that you are able to is a gift directly to our family and is, therefore, not tax deductible. If you would like to make a gift online through PayPal.com, click the "Donate" button on this page. We are grateful for the difference you are making.  

Will you help us take our "first" steps in this journey? We deeply desire to show God’s love to one of His own by making him or her one of our own. Please be in prayer for all five of us during this journey.

In God’s grace,

Nathan, Kameron, J. Henry & Amelia (and Baby Number Three!)