Leaving on a jet plane!

Throughout this adoption process, I have become dear friends with several other adoptive mamas. Though miles may separate us, we are connected in a way that seems more like next-door neighbors than Facebook friends. 

On Monday, we heard news from two of those mamas that they had received court dates. Because our circumstances are very similar, my mind immediately began reeling with what could possibly have caused us not to get a court date along with them. I’ve been able to keep my emotions in check for the past several months, and while we were certainly happy for these sweet families, our lack of news essentially sent me over an emotional edge I had not known I was wandering near.

Let me put it this way, when I’m so sad that I can’t eat dinner, something is seriously wrong. 

On Tuesday morning I was still deeply discouraged. I’m not sure if I walked J. Henry to school or if he walked me. As we were parting ways, my sweet boy pulled me close and with a wink and a smirk, whispered, “Mom, just stay away from the ice cream and the sharp objects while I’m gone.” 

Back at home, standing at the kitchen counter, tears still in my eyes, my phone rang. Our social worker was calling to tell us that they received confirmation of our court date early  Tuesday morning. I had to hand the phone off to Nathan because I knew she couldn't understand my hot mess of a response. 

Y’all… we leave for Ethiopia two weeks from today. I’m not even kidding.

In a redemptive manner that only God can pull off, both of those families I mentioned above and our family all share the same court date. We’ve walked through a unique kind of fire together for the last 18 months, and it's a "beauty-out-of-ashes" phenomenon that our stories have converged where it matters most.

In two weeks, Nathan, Henry and I will travel to Ethiopia to meet our daughter in person and officially adopt her in-country. Then, we will return home for 3-4 weeks while her exit paperwork is processed. Toward the end of April, I will likely return to Ethiopia by myself just long enough to get our girl and bring her home.

We are so grateful for this news. Thank you for rejoicing with us!

Leaving on a jet plane,

The Cardens 

"Call me when you get a chance..."

Yesterday morning, before work, Nathan and I had a bit of a…(*ahem*)...difference of opinion about driveway courtesy and spouse vehicle use. If you have a single car driveway that causes one car to be blocked in behind another, and your spouse takes your car for an early morning meeting and you have to meet with the VP of your workplace at a certain time 55 miles away and your spouse makes you run late...you know exactly what kind of difference of opinion I’m talking about.

After arriving a little past on-time for a meeting, I believed that I had finally regulated my blood pressure when I received a text from Nathan at about 10:30:

“Call me when you get a chance. 3 quick things.”

When I called him, this is how the conversation unfolded:

Nathan: Hey, I just wanted to say I’m sorry about this morning. My bad on that. Hope you weren't too late.
Kameron: Thank you, I appreciate that.

Nathan: And also, you said that you needed bread flour from the store, right? I can pick that up. What brand?
Kameron: Gold Medal.
Nathan: Now is it self-rising or bread flour? Because I get those confused.
Kameron: Bread. Flour. It’s bread flour.

Nathan: Okay, I wrote that down. Last quick thing and then I’ll let you go. Remember last night when you said that you hope you never hear the word “maybe” again because we say it so often right now? Maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow? Well, you don’t have to throw that word away, because……….we just got our approval letter this morning.
Kameron: Stop. Seriously?! Stop. Tell me you aren't kidding...Seriously?! Are you serious?! What?! Oh my God...I love you so much! Ahhhhhh!!!

So that, friends, is how receiving our approval letter made me forget all about single driveway transgressions.

This is the document we have waited and prayed for, for 17 months. Based upon recent trends, we should have a court date between five - eight weeks from now.

God is so good. We are so, so thankful.

THANK YOU ALL for every small or big expression of support and prayer.

This is your approval letter, too. 

Please continue to pray for all 5 of us during this journey.
In God's Grace,Kameron, Nathan, J. Henry, Amelia and Little Girl

A Totally Fair Question

This past fall, I audited a Biblical Narrative course through Asbury Theological Seminary. The
professor, along with several other biblical studies experts, recommended breaking in your
independent exegetical practices in the New Testament, the Gospels perhaps. Definitely don’t start
with a challenging, confusing text like Job, they said. Well, “Don’t start with Job…” was all I needed
to hear. Nobody puts Baby in a biblical corner. Job it was, then.

Job is hard. Job is confusing. Job is LOOOOOONG. And, as it turns out, Job is exactly
what I needed to read during this season of waiting.

Job begins with a brief description by the narrator of the main character and his family. Job is upright
and blameless. He fears God and turns away from evil. His family is awesome, and he’s healthy,
wealthy, and wise. All good things, all good things. The scene quickly transitions to this heavenly
court scene with a host of heavenly beings, including the Satan, reporting to the Lord. Today, on the
17 month anniversary of receiving our referral, that’s who I want to talk about: the Satan.
The Satan in Job is more accurately described as the Accuser. Think modern day court proceedings.
If the Lord is the judge wearing the black robe and holding the gavel, then the Satan is the
prosecuting attorney wearing tailored black suit and slicked back hair.

A judge and a prosecuting attorney are not enemies; in fact, they function within the same judicial 
system. The prosecuting attorney is charged with bringing the facts of a case before the judge against 
the defendant; he bears the burden of proof. Think of the Satan as an accountability partner who takes 
his job a little too seriously. The Lord basically asks the Satan, “Have you been doing your job?” The 
conversation continues to unfold like this: The Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant 
Job? There is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man who fears God and turns 
away from evil.”

Then Satan answered the Lord, “Does Job fear God for nothing? Have you not put a fence around 
him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his 
possessions have increased in the land. But stretch out your hand now, and touch all that he has, and 
he will curse you to your face.” – Job 1: 8-11

Essentially, the Satan wants to discern whether Job’s fear of God is borne of a contract or a covenant. 
In a contractual relationship, both parties are operating under if/then agreements. If God fences Job 
in, then Job fears him. In a covenant relationship, both parties are operating under no-matter- 
what/then agreements. No matter what, Job fears God.

Y’all, that’s a totally fair question. And I have to wonder if, somewhere up there, a prosecuting 
attorney has had to ask the same thing of me recently. My adult life has been pretty sweet. There’s 
been a pretty tall white picket fence around me. So, it’s been pretty easy for me to love Jesus and 
praise God. Not a lot of lamenting has gone on around here in the last decade or so.

Seventeen months in, and we are still waiting on our approval letter. It feels like that white picket 
fence is starting to lean and needs a fresh coat of paint. I have to wonder if He’s noticed that praising 
him doesn’t come easy or often any more. I’m not cursing him to his face, but I’m also not resting in 
him right now either. There’s a whole lot of room in the Bible, particularly the Old Testament, 
devoted to lamenting and petitioning. In fact, Job uses up all of his press time from chapters 3 
through 38 doing those exact two things. And, in the end, God declares that Job has spoken rightly 
about him. 

I’m thankful that there is room in the biblical narrative for lamenting and petitioning, because
that’s so where I am right now. But I’m also thankful for these little scriptural gut-checks to
remind me of the no-matter-whatness of the covenant, a no-matter-whatness that goes both 

ways.

You may recall that our original adoption agency closed and left us and nine other families
scrambling to find a way to bring our children home. Since that agency closed in July, none of the
families with our new agency had received an approval letter. Until this week. Two families finally
did receive approval letters this week. So even though we weren’t one of them, there’s hope in that,
thanks be to God. Until our letter comes, whatever may come, if those heavenly beings are called to
court, I want the Accuser to be able to say, “Oh, Kameron? Yeah, don’t worry, she’s all in. That’s a
covenant you don’t have to worry about.”

Please continue to pray for all 5 of us during this journey. 
In God's Grace,Kameron, Nathan, J. Henry, Amelia and Little Girl

Merry Christmas & Melkam Gena to ALL!

Each year during Advent, our faith tradition reminds us that we must assume a posture of anticipation, that the best things come in time. We remember how Israel longed for a messiah and how we long for God's justice and mercy to fall, and our world to be set to rights. Of course, this year as we anticipated the birth of the Christ-child our family has been longing and praying for our little girl to come to our family.

Early in December we received information indicating that our case was approaching the last step of the process prior to receiving our court date. But as December rolled on, we only received a request for an updated document. While we had the form updated and submitted within 24 hours, it took 2.5 weeks for the originals to get into the correct hands in country. We are hopeful that no additional documentation will be requested and our letter of approval will be forthcoming.

It was disappointing to not receive a court date by Christmas, but we have much for which we can give thanks. In December, our daughter moved from the orphanage to our adoption agency's transition house (with several other children). And for the first time we were able to send her a care package which included a photo album with our pictures - so now she can see each face in her new family! In fact, here is a picture her her doing just that :0)

While our Christmas is on December 25, Ethiopia celebrates Christmas on January 7 - so maybe in our prayers for a court date by Christmas, we should have specified which one we were talking about :0) 

We learned our lesson and are praying more specifically now for a court date by January 7 - that would be a "Melkam Gena" indeed. 

Thank you all for caring about her and us. Please continue to pray for all five of us during this journey.

In God’s Grace,

Kameron, Nathan, J. Henry, Amelia and our New Little Girl!

Progress Updates and T-shirts!!!

Friends!

Our latest updates in our process are indicating that we could receive a court date in Ethiopia by the end of 2016! (Of course there is no guarantee of this timeline...but it looks promising!) This means that Nathan, Henry and I will hop on a plane and head over for a 5-6 day stay. During this first trip we will be able to meet our little girl in person for the very first time! We will also go to court and have the adoption finalized in country. After that we will return home while the U.S. embassy prepares a passport for her. 

Then, after 3-4 weeks we can return to pick her up and bring her home! FINALLY! FOR GOOD!

As some of you know, our original adoption agency closed at the end of July this year and we were forced to find a new agency to complete our process. Thankfully, we are thrilled with the professionalism and advocacy of our new agency – things are moving! But it did present some new and substantial costs we had not anticipated. 

So we are launching a t-shirt fundraiser in hopes of meeting a new goal in anticipation of our travel. You can take a peak by following the link below --- They would make an awesome Christmas gift :0)

http://www.booster.com/onesuchchild-cardenfamilyadoption

We are so grateful for the support of family and friends throughout this process. We could not have made it even this far without your encouragement and support.

Please continue pray for all five us during this journey.

In God’s Grace,

Kameron, Nathan, J. Henry, Amelia and our New Little Girl!

Dan Rather didn't get it...

If last week I was all, “Holy Contemplative Prayer, Batman!” coming off my spiritual high from the monastery, this week it’s been more like:

Cricket. Cricket.

I once heard told that Dan Rather asked Mother Teresa what she said during her prayers. 

She answered, "I listen." 

Dan followed up with, "Well then, what does God say?"  

Mother Teresa smiled and answered, "He listens." 

For a moment, Dan didn't know what to say, so Mother Teresa added, "And if you don't understand that, I can't explain it to you."

If you read my post last week, you recall I took Saint Mother Teresa’s advice, and instead of talking to God, I started listening. I gotta be honest…I think I’m Dan Rather. Fortunately, I’ve been in the 60-somethings Psalms this week, and I am beginning to think that David had a little Dan Rather in him, too.

In Psalm 61, David says, “Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to you, when my heart is faint.” My Bible commentary remarks that the psalmist feels “far removed from the presence of God,” in verse 2. Check.

In Psalm 62, twice David says, “For God alone my soul waits in silence.” Same, dude. Same.

Finally, in Psalm 63, from the wilderness David cries, “O God, you are my God, I seek you, my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” My commentary says that, here, David is describing “a place where God is not.” Still with you, David.

All week long, I’ve listened for God. And all week long, my soul waited in silence with from the end of the earth in a dry land where there is no water. At least I’m in good company, though, with David and Dan Rather and all.

When I was at the monastery, Brother Benedict and I had a brief discussion about a book he was reading by Saint John of the Cross, The Dark Night, in which (and I’m paraphrasing Brother Benedict’s synopsis here), Saint John describes that there are times when God pulls away from us and leaves us to a darkness for a season in order for us to grow in faith. Kind of a “conviction of things not seen” thing, maybe? Who knows.

Listen, John Ortberg tried to pull this same line on me toward the end of his book, Soul Keeping. Maybe I’m not spiritually wise enough for this kind of theology, because right now, in this season of my life, ain’t nobody got time for that. God up and leaves? Really?!

So, instead of thinking that maybe I was just stuck between Dan Rather AND Saint John of the Cross, God forbid, I decided to turn to Pandora.

Whenever I can’t seem to find God anywhere, I have turned to music. I have always found God’s presence waiting for me there, particularly in the old anthems found in the blue hymnbook of my childhood church. Now until very recently, I hadn’t been able to develop the same kind of attachment to contemporary Christian music. I’m pretty sure that Carmen clouded the entire landscape of contemporary Christian music for me from the late early 90s until about 6 months ago. But, this new wave of Christian artists is rising up, and some of their stuff is Psalm-worthy. Nathan recently turned me onto the Robbie Seay Band, and with their help toward the last half of the week, I decided not to let the Dan Rather in me win out. This is their modern remake of an old, old Advent hymn:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnZr9bhcXuM

Each morning, during my prayer time, I have been meditating on this song, particularly these words:

Dear Savior come to tired earth

and bring the grace of dawn 

Dispel the night and show Thy face

Come, Messiah, Come

Now, we didn’t hear any update from the adoption agency this week, because there wasn’t one to give. Between that and the dark silence I found waiting for me every time I went to God in prayer, I’m going to be honest, I needed God to dispel the night and bring the grace of dawn.

And I honestly don’t feel like God’s done that yet.

But, like the song says:

There is hope today

that God Himself might shine upon our souls and say

Unto you a Savior comes

and everything will change

So, I’m going to keep mediating on these words and hoping each new day for the Messiah to be so present with me that even Dan Rather would know God is there.

In God's Grace, 

Kameron, Nathan, J. Henry, Amelia and our New Little Girl!

Setting Down My Prayer List

It’s been one year and three days since we received our referral. Three hundred and sixty eight days of many ups and even more downs. In light of the recent events with our agency and the anniversary of our referral, I revived a long-standing, never-actualized desire to travel to St. Bernard’s Abbey, a Benedictine monastery, in Cullman, Alabama for a time of spiritual renewal. The timing finally felt right, and after making a few jokes about “The Thornbirds” to Nathan (which he had to Google), I fished my mind from the gutter and scheduled the visit. I had planned to spend the 48 hours in some sort of intense prayer vigil for movement and mercy with the adoption, but that’s not what it turned into at all…

I arrived at St. Bernard’s at right before 5p mass and vespers on Thursday. Guests at St. Bernard actually sit with the monks and participate in the offices (chanted prayers), so after mass, I anxiously made my way to the chancel area, found a seat, and tried not to make a mistake as we all prayed together.

Dinner followed in silence, which intensified my feeling that I had made a grievous error in thinking there was anything for me at a monastery. What the actual hades had I been thinking? These monks won’t even talk to me. This was probably the stupidest thing I have ever done. I bet Nathan knew this was going to be a train wreck; why didn’t he tell me this was a bad idea? This is totally his fault.

Friday, I woke up at 5:30a ready to pray. After breakfast, I sat down in a rocking chair that became a perch for me for the rest of my time at St. Bernard’s. Before I began my laundry list of adoption related prayers, as has become my custom to pray, I remembered something that I had read from the Sermon on the Mount the night before: the Lord’s Prayer. Well, actually, I remembered the few lines before Jesus gives us the Lord’s Prayer. In Matthew, Jesus says, “When you are praying, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”

I can promise y’all, I am a pray-er of “many words.” Throughout this last year, with a little help from the spiritual formation of my childhood, I had developed a truly inaccurate view of the nature and purpose of prayer. The good news: the amount of time I spend in prayer has never been greater. The bad news (kinda embarrassed about this): I had developed this notion that I had to pray for every need we had related to the adoption every day using very specific words (lest God be confus-ed…), or God wouldn’t come to our assistance. Many times I have actually concluded my prayers with the Lord’s Prayer, realized that I forgot to mention a specific prayer need, pried my closed prayer back open to stuff in that need, and then re-recited the Lord’s Prayer, so that my tag-on prayer wouldn’t be invalidated by occurring out of order.

This is messed up on so many levels.

Most importantly, though, what is my prayer life saying about my understanding of the character of God? I’m not trying to self-deprecate too much here, because I believe God abides with us where we are, but prayer was becoming exhausting and weighty and self-centered and neurotic. And that’s all unnecessary. Jesus is all, “your Father knows what you need before you ask him,” and Paul is all, “for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.”

I realized, sitting there in that rocking chair, that God loves me. And you know what else? God loves our daughter. And even if I never lifted another prayer need up related to this adoption again, the Spirit will still be interceding for her in Ethiopia just like it will be here. Thanks be to God that her eventual homecoming isn’t dependent on my ability to beg God correctly for it. I don’t have to explicitly name every one of our current needs every morning. God’s already received word; the Spirit delivered the messages more eloquently and quicker than I ever could.  

So, I ended up spending very little time praying for anything specific at the monastery. I just sat there with Jesus. The good news about waking up at dark-thirty for Matins and Lauds (fancy Catholic prayers) is that I was able to I feel the early morning breeze blow across my face for a good two hours afterwards and imagine that it was the “ruach,”, breath of God, confirming God’s presence with me in that rocking chair.

And you know what? Those two days I spent at St. Bernard’s with Jesus, neither one of us was really saying anything, but I still felt heard. It was one of the sweetest spiritual experiences of my life.

Before I left the Abbey, I had a conversation with an incredibly charming monk, Father Francis, about the nature of prayer. He highlighted our culture’s obsession with originality and insisted that the prayers of the Psalms can’t be improved upon. Sold, Father Frances. Toward the end of our conversation, he confirmed, “Prayer isn’t about changing God, it’s about changing you. Let their words [the Psalms] become your words.”

There’s just one problem: when you’ve been talking to God one way for three decades, it can be more than a little difficult to change the nature of your relationship from this side of things. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t ask God for what we need; in fact, God even directs us to ask, seek, and knock. Repeat. I’m not going to go Gregorian-chants-or-nothing with Jesus from this time forward. This is merely a story about my prayer life, not a recommendation for yours. 

For the next few months, I’m going to pray the Psalms or keep quiet and listen. I’m not going to ask God for anything. I’m going to let someone else’s good words become my words, and I’m going to be still and allow the Spirit to do its thing. Because “he knows our needs,” and His glory will be revealed whether I beg for it or not.

By the way, do you know how I know that’s true? Because two days after I returned home, we received an email from our new agency that all the in-country issues with our old agency had been resolved. The biggest obstacle in moving forward – separating from our old agency in-country – was overcome on Friday morning, while I was sitting at a monastery in prayer, not saying a word.

In God’s Grace,

Kameron, Nathan, J. Henry, Amelia and our New Little Girl!